she liked Imaginary Men best of all


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He’s real and he’s spectacular!

So the last few years I’ve had all this trouble with Stupid Real Life Boys. And of course I have a lot of Imaginary Boyfriends. But something funny happened recently – I got myself a Real Live Not At All Douchey and in Fact Totally Amazing Real Life Boyfriend!! I KNOW!! RIGHT?!??

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Just how amazing is he? Well he walked into my 16 Year Old Girl Bedroom home office which contains (among other things): an enormous Brandon Flowers poster, Backstreet Boys nesting dolls, Vampire Diaries paraphenalia, and a Wall of Men 3.0 – and instead of turning on his heels and running he exclaimed with utter enthusiasm:

This is awesome!

Did you hear that? It was my heart having joyful palpitations 😉

And he doesn’t bat an eye at my crazy shenanigans of chasing bands and obsessing on TV shows! He even offered to see Magic Mike with me! AND he said with absolutely no prompting whatsoever – that if a Backstreet Boys museum existed “I would go with you.” Did you get that part? How I didn’t even ask that?!? (and for the record – why doesn’t that exist goddamnit?!? I already have a date for it!)

I feel like anytime I talk about him I turn into a total gushing girlie. He’s a bit of a fanboy himself about movies and directors – breathlessly calling the night he got to meet one of his directing idols, “the best night of my life” which I took as one of the signs we were on the same wavelength about the stuff we love. He’s so great and he’s CUTE! Let me just say that his celebrity doppelganger is someone we like to call Jake Gyllenhaal:

Laugh it up Jake – you’ve been replaced!

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A friend of mine said, “you’ve obsessed so much on imaginary men that it’s almost like you dreamed him up!” And if it weren’t for the fact that she and other people have also seen/heard/observed that he is indeed a real guy and not one in my head – it makes this exchange from last week all the sweeter:

Setting: Save a Prayer by Duran Duran is on TV

Me: That’s my husband John Taylor

Him: Hi John Taylor!

Me: I mean, you don’t have to worry because I’ve been waiting for him to marry me since I was 13 – but if he WERE to show up – I would have to leave you

Him: OK. You should tweet him and tell him he’s your husband

Me: DON’T THINK I HAVEN’T TRIED!!!!

Even better – one found me that thinks I’m perfect the way I am – in all my Crazy Fangirl Glory and really, what more can one ask for?


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Happy Galentine’s Day!!!

Sure it’s almost Valentine’s Day, but even better – today is GALENTINE’S DAY!!!!

What is Galentine’s Day? Why it’s Leslie Knope’s favorite holiday of the year!:

Every February 13th my lady friends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home and we just come and kick it breakfast style – ladies celebrating ladies. It’s like Lilith Fair, minus the angst. Plus fritattas!

I love this! So much so that this year I’ve decided to celebrate by creating my very first Someecards! Please pass along to your lady friends and celebrate the joy of girlfriends – boyfriends can wait until tomorrow 😉

I made this!!

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Here’s some tips from the lady herself to plan your very own Galentine’s Day celebration!


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More Tales of Douchedom

Remember when I posted that I was seeing someone? And remember when I ranted about how single men these days are pussies who disappear on you?

You do the math 😦

This one really sucked because it was going so well I was actually allowing myself to tell people I had a boyfriend because I stopped being paranoid he was going to randomly flip a switch and decide to dump me. Which he did. Right before my birthday. Did I mention that? Oh yeah he dumped me RIGHT BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY.

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So here’s what I can’t adjust to in this new-fangled dating world: back in the old days you dated a guy and (at least in my case) it lasted awhile so you’d have mementos of your time together: gifts, photos, notes.

Now it’s all social network-y and about texting and nothing lasts very long. So not only do you not get a chance to accumulate some of the shared mementos of the relationship – but there’s nearly no evidence it ever even existed.

Of course when you first break up with someone you don’t want that stuff around because it’s too painful. But as you heal and get farther away from the heartbreak, there is something nice about reviewing those old tokens. They remind you more of the “good times” and less of the bad ones. They help you remember who you were with that person and why – maybe – you are a better person for it. Or even to recall why you liked them so much and be grateful that you got to share some of your life with them (or maybe they are a total dick and you see the stuff and set fire to it – happy to never have to think about the asshole again!)

But today it seems like relationships are often built through texts that get deleted when you break up, the online “unfriending/unfollowing” process commences, the photos on the phones get put in the virtual trash can. The person can literally be erased from your life. It’s very sad – at least for women it is – in my experience the guys are ALL about the safe anonymity of the text and are fine with just vanishing from your life.

And the disappearing is what just floors me. I’ve had so many disappearing acts that I could run a circus! (Circus of Douches! Come one! Come all!) They may think it is less hurtful or more likely – it spares them from facing the fact that they are being a complete asshole. And if you’re like me and you like “closure” then it really fucking sucks that they never give you that – and that’s how I end up having dreams with these losers in them because of all the unfinished business lurking in my subconscious!

So if you’re a woman: WTF are we supposed to do with these babies? And if you’re a guy, man the fuck up already.

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