she liked Imaginary Men best of all


6 Comments

Oh my god I’m back again!

Sooooo – long time, no blog yet apparently people are still coming here to read old posts which is pretty cool considering I haven’t posted anything in almost 15 months!

When I left you I was swooning about The World’s Best Boyfriend who, I’m happy to report is still fulfilling that role. I still love me some Imaginary Men but of course spending time with a Real Guy does take away from my sitting-up-all-night-blogging-time (so does a new wake-up call of 6AM – ACK!)

What else? Oh I just, you know – bought a house. Yes after several years of commitment phobia I went and got a relationship AND a mortgage within a year of each other. You would think I am a GROWN-UP or something!

Don't you love my new house?? (this is not my new house)

Don’t you love my new house?? (this is not my new house)

So plenty of energy that used to be dedicated to fantasizing about Pacey’s Pea Coats or Dreamy Vampire Brothers has been funneled into really sexy thoughts like bathroom remodels, caulking tools and home heating conversions (I know, I know – my life is VERY VERY COOL. Control yourself.)

And I guess some of my interests have changed and my need to write about them obsessively waned. I think that’s normal and I certainly still love a lot of things that are on this site (I’m looking at you Dowager Countess) and have discovered new interests because that’s what life is about – you grow and change and some things make the cut and some don’t.

I do have a confession to make and that is that I may now be less your Fun Sassy Girlfriend and more your Fun Sassy Grandma. The evidence: this winter I read two biographies of Frank Sinatra (speaking of obsessions – HOW could we not see Ronan Farrow is CLEARLY his kid?!) I got hooked on listening to the Cole Porter station on Pandora and when I saw The Fault in our Stars instead of getting all swoony for teen dream boat Augustus I kept thinking, “can we spend more time with Hazel’s parents? Because they seem really fun and awesome.” I’d like to think it was just residual feelings for Sam Trammell now that I’ve missed the last few seasons of True Blood – but I think it’s because I’m Your Grandma and Laura Dern seems really fun to hang out with (even when she’s pretending her daughter is dying of cancer so bravo for that specialized talent!)

But! I quoted the Backstreet Boys up above AND just saw them in concert (and got to keep my  Concert Bitch in check) and because Boy Bands are Never Not Awesome. I have some fun news coming up in the next week so I hope you’ll welcome me back into the big wide blogging world and that I remember how to link shit 🙂

 


6 Comments

He’s real and he’s spectacular!

So the last few years I’ve had all this trouble with Stupid Real Life Boys. And of course I have a lot of Imaginary Boyfriends. But something funny happened recently – I got myself a Real Live Not At All Douchey and in Fact Totally Amazing Real Life Boyfriend!! I KNOW!! RIGHT?!??

Source

Just how amazing is he? Well he walked into my 16 Year Old Girl Bedroom home office which contains (among other things): an enormous Brandon Flowers poster, Backstreet Boys nesting dolls, Vampire Diaries paraphenalia, and a Wall of Men 3.0 – and instead of turning on his heels and running he exclaimed with utter enthusiasm:

This is awesome!

Did you hear that? It was my heart having joyful palpitations 😉

And he doesn’t bat an eye at my crazy shenanigans of chasing bands and obsessing on TV shows! He even offered to see Magic Mike with me! AND he said with absolutely no prompting whatsoever – that if a Backstreet Boys museum existed “I would go with you.” Did you get that part? How I didn’t even ask that?!? (and for the record – why doesn’t that exist goddamnit?!? I already have a date for it!)

I feel like anytime I talk about him I turn into a total gushing girlie. He’s a bit of a fanboy himself about movies and directors – breathlessly calling the night he got to meet one of his directing idols, “the best night of my life” which I took as one of the signs we were on the same wavelength about the stuff we love. He’s so great and he’s CUTE! Let me just say that his celebrity doppelganger is someone we like to call Jake Gyllenhaal:

Laugh it up Jake – you’ve been replaced!

Source

A friend of mine said, “you’ve obsessed so much on imaginary men that it’s almost like you dreamed him up!” And if it weren’t for the fact that she and other people have also seen/heard/observed that he is indeed a real guy and not one in my head – it makes this exchange from last week all the sweeter:

Setting: Save a Prayer by Duran Duran is on TV

Me: That’s my husband John Taylor

Him: Hi John Taylor!

Me: I mean, you don’t have to worry because I’ve been waiting for him to marry me since I was 13 – but if he WERE to show up – I would have to leave you

Him: OK. You should tweet him and tell him he’s your husband

Me: DON’T THINK I HAVEN’T TRIED!!!!

Even better – one found me that thinks I’m perfect the way I am – in all my Crazy Fangirl Glory and really, what more can one ask for?


3 Comments

Girls I want to hang out with: Mindy Kaling edition

I recently read Mindy Kaling’s book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and other concerns). Mindy is a writer on The Office and plays celebrity/boy/fashion obsessed Kelly Kapoor on the show. She’s an amusing writer and a bit like Tina Fey’s little sister that you could actually-hang-out-with-while-you-mooned-around-their-house-wishing-cool-big-sis-Tina-would-notice-you-and-think-you’re-cool-enough-to-talk-to.

Mindy tells amusing stories about her childhood and her entry into Hollywood. I admit I’m envious of her pretty damn cool sounding life and career. Sure she has to go do photoshoots where bitchy stylists try to size her out of the posh clothes – but she also gets to go on Conan O’Brien! I feel like I could have had a career similar to hers had I stayed in Los Angeles after college — and had even an ounce of ambition 😉

But what made Mindy so relatable for me was the unifying topic of most women: Men. The dumb stuff they do and the stupid crap we put up with. She has a chapter that should be required reading for single guys everywhere entitled, “Guys Need to Do Almost Nothing to be Great” and includes a handy tips for men like, “Buy a well-fitting peacoat” and “Have one great cologne that’s not from the drugstore.” YES FELLAS PLEASE DO THESE THINGS!

In a chapter called “Non-Traumatic Things That Have Made Me Cry” she recounts a situation I totally TOTALLY recognize – that of meeting a nice, cute guy, having a great date and good enough chemistry to schedule a second date – which he cancels by text as she’s getting ready for the date – then, you guessed it ladies – disappears! See??!?! This kind of Annoying Boy Shit happens to famous girls too!

She also has nailed the difference between “Men and Boys” in a chapter of the same name. I won’t recap it here – go read the book – but I absolutely did a fist pump as I read it. So I really think Mindy and I would get along and have fun bitching about boys and gossiping about celebrities. She’s even written a “Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities” charter and – you know me – I’m all about my girlfriends.

You can follow Mindy on Twitter here (OMG she has Edward Gorey for her wallpaper and I’m A is for Amy Who Fell Down the Stairs!! Call me Mindy!), or hear more of her #MindyWisdom at the hashtag I created. She blogs too! (Mindy be my blog buddy!) And of course, The Office is on NBC Thursday nights.

 


4 Comments

They’ll never break your heart, they’ll never make you cry

So it has been The Year of the Boy Band, and as an unabashed lover of singing, dancing pretty boys who look good shirtless – I’ve given quite a bit of thought as to why this style of band and type of music has been so massively successful over the years.

The obvious answer is that Boy Bands are fun – they sing poppy tunes and do slick dance moves and dress real nice and have good hair. But I think there is something more to it than just that surface attraction. Here’s my theory:

Boy Bands say all the things females want the real males in their lives to say – but they never do

I’ll never break your heart / I’ll never make you cry / I’d rather die than live without you / I’ll give you all of me honey that’s no lie

Who doesn’t want to hear THAT? Any girl with a broken heart wants to hear Mr. Right come along with assurances that he’s NOT like that Jerkface that dumped you

I will love you more than that / I won’t say the words then take them back 

Or what if you’re still with that Jerkface but this amazing guy comes along and he adores you and wants to give you all the romance you’re missing out on?

I try / to go on like I never knew you / I’m awake but my world is half asleep / I pray for this heart to be unbroken / But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

But maybe you dumped Jerkface and now he’s really heartbroken (which he totally deserves for being a Jerkface to you when you were together) which feels pretty good now, doesn’t it?

I just want you to know / That I’ve been fighting to let you go / Some days I make it through / And then there’s nights that never end

Yes! Who doesn’t want Jerkface to come crawling back, begging for your forgiveness and admitting he will never be so lucky as to get someone as great as you again??

All the messed up things I do / That I swear I’ll make em up to you / Before you go and have enough / Just let me make it better / I’ll try and measure up / I’ll try and measure up to you

Oh that Jerkface! He’s sloppy and doesn’t return texts in a timely manner, and sometimes buys you a totally inappropriate gift – but he knows he’s a screw up and he loves you for loving him despite all his shortcomings.

These sentiments and promises of love, fidelity and devotion appeal to girls of all ages – from the young ones who’ve never had their hearts broken, to the older ones who have bruised hearts and relationship baggage – it is just nice to HEAR it from a man (even if it is several men singing in harmony and emoting like it’s their last day on this earth!)

No lie – this music gets me through a lot of drama and Stupid Boy Shit. It’s a fantasy millions of us have bought in to for decades. Believe me, it makes putting up with Real Boys a lot easier when you know a Boy Band will be there to catch you when a Real Boy lets you down.


1 Comment

Bachelor Fridge

So I’ve started seeing someone recently, yes – a REAL BOY who is neither in a band or famous or on a TV show or even a vampire! I KNOW! I was surprised too.

Anyway, at his apartment I did a check of his fridge to confirm my theory about every bachelor fridge I have ever seen – that it always contains these two items:

Beer

And

Mustard

Now there may be other things in there as well: ketchup, bottled water, leftover pizza, leftover-something-his-mother-brought-over-because-she’s-worried-he-hasn’t-met-a-nice-girl-yet – even sometimes healthy stuff like yogurt or a vegetable!

So go ahead, find a bachelor (and NOT one that has a girlfriend who comes over and leaves food that she actually wants to eat and beverages she actually wants to drink) and open up his fridge. There will always be beer and mustard. I’m pretty sure it is some kind of Bachelor Boy Code 😉