she liked Imaginary Men best of all

Magic Mike: A Girl’s Guide

7 Comments

This movie is made for women. Period. Ok and gay guys. But it is not made for straight guys at all and YET what do we see the first five minutes of the movie? BOOBS! On behalf of the straight female population I ask Mr. Steven Soderbergh and all the obviously male movie execs behind Magic Mike:

WHAT IN THE FUCK??

Of course some boyfriends and husbands were gonna get dragged to see “the male stripper movie” and you don’t want them to be bored and embarrassed so sure, throw in some boobs to hook them in right away. But you know what? I go see lots of movies aimed at male audiences and never once see a shirtless guy thrown in to appease the female audience members. Or they are shirtless but for 5 damn seconds!! Or even worse – we are promised shirtlessness in the trailers and then DENIED for 2 hours of our lives we can’t have back!!

And don’t tell me that it needs to immediately be established that Magic Mike is a straight dude into threesomes with chicks. We know Mike is totally hetero because:

  1. He knows to wear proper work boots to a construction site
  2. He drives a big ass pick-up truck that screams “I put my penis in girls”
  3. The ease with which Mike and all the other Cock Rocking Kings of Tampa stand around half-naked with each other gossiping backstage demonstrates how perfectly fine they are with their manliness

OK rant over because it is hard to stay annoyed when the “Channing Tatum Charm School” is in session. Damn is that guy charming! He looks like one of those underwear models you’d see in old catalogs (probably not entirely SFW) and his moves are pretty bad ass.

Source

But the entire movie is practically stolen by Matthew McConaughey who for my money was born to play sleazy strip club owner Dallas. I mean – he should get an Oscar just for his no-holds-barred striptease (definitely not SFW!) near the end of the movie which is completely, fearlessly ridiculous. You go with your drawling, black leather chaps wearing, better-body-at-42-than-guys-half-your-age self boy!!

I appreciated that the male dancers seem to know that us ladies like a little storytelling with our bump and grind. So men are satisfied with a woman dressed like a schoolgirl writhing on a pole. BORING! The stripper boys understand we need a little plot with our objectifying of their abs and asses. Give us some Tarzan saving Jane or a young cowpoke out on the range for the first time (speaking of that cowpoke, it’s English pretty boy Alex Pettyfer):

Source

Personally I was a big fan of “The Army Dance” because the entire military drill + sexy white tank tops + Boy Band-esque ripping off of tank tops = Hot Sexy Fun!

I mean, they are literally using their penises as weapons on a room full of women who have paid to objectify them! How can you not love that?!?

In the parking lot after the movie my girlfriend and I ran into a male friend who was there to see Ted. Yup. That says it all right there about the difference between us girls and them boys!

Author: Amy H. Johnson

Amy H. Johnson is the author of The Fangirl Files a memoir about Boy Bands, TV Boyfriends and imaginary betrothals to 80s English pop stars. She prefers to be referred to as a "Cute Famous Boy Aficionado".

7 thoughts on “Magic Mike: A Girl’s Guide

  1. I’m thinking Soderbergh put the boobs in the film for HIMSELF. 😉 I can see him sitting in the editing room, watching the dailies, and thinking, “I’m the guy who made TRAFFIC, dammit. My man-card must be protected at all costs. Let’s throw some tatas in here, stat!”

    McConaughey really is at his best when he’s playing sleazy. Because I never really buy him as the “earnest romantic lead.” I still think his performance as “Wooderson” in Dazed and Confused is one of his career bests 😉

    Throw Channing Tatum and Joe “Alcide” Manganiello in the mix, what’s not to like? 😉

    Thanks so much for this awesome, hilarious and *ahem* eye-catching review, especially since i haven’t had the chance to see this one for myself yet.

  2. Pingback: New Kids on the Block in the Shower and More Links | Swoonworthy

  3. I still haven’t seen it yet!!! Thanks for breaking it down for me, although I am still quite annoyed that the movie has a role filled by that limp (yet annoying as hell) piece of broccoli Olivia Munn.

  4. Loved the part about “military drill + sexy white tank tops + Boy Band-esque ripping off of tank tops = Hot Sexy Fun!” It’s so funny because we just wrote an article on the art of men wearing what we call a “mank top”. Definitely worth the read 🙂 http://thefashionfoot.com/2012/07/17/mank-tops-a-cautionary-tale/

  5. I thought the same thing about boobs in the first five minutes! Also, Matthew does deserve an Oscar!!

  6. I was thinking the same thing about boobs in the first five minutes!! Love this review:)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s