she liked Imaginary Men best of all

More Tales of Douchedom

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Remember when I posted that I was seeing someone? And remember when I ranted about how single men these days are pussies who disappear on you?

You do the math 😦

This one really sucked because it was going so well I was actually allowing myself to tell people I had a boyfriend because I stopped being paranoid he was going to randomly flip a switch and decide to dump me. Which he did. Right before my birthday. Did I mention that? Oh yeah he dumped me RIGHT BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY.

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So here’s what I can’t adjust to in this new-fangled dating world: back in the old days you dated a guy and (at least in my case) it lasted awhile so you’d have mementos of your time together: gifts, photos, notes.

Now it’s all social network-y and about texting and nothing lasts very long. So not only do you not get a chance to accumulate some of the shared mementos of the relationship – but there’s nearly no evidence it ever even existed.

Of course when you first break up with someone you don’t want that stuff around because it’s too painful. But as you heal and get farther away from the heartbreak, there is something nice about reviewing those old tokens. They remind you more of the “good times” and less of the bad ones. They help you remember who you were with that person and why – maybe – you are a better person for it. Or even to recall why you liked them so much and be grateful that you got to share some of your life with them (or maybe they are a total dick and you see the stuff and set fire to it – happy to never have to think about the asshole again!)

But today it seems like relationships are often built through texts that get deleted when you break up, the online “unfriending/unfollowing” process commences, the photos on the phones get put in the virtual trash can. The person can literally be erased from your life. It’s very sad – at least for women it is – in my experience the guys are ALL about the safe anonymity of the text and are fine with just vanishing from your life.

And the disappearing is what just floors me. I’ve had so many disappearing acts that I could run a circus! (Circus of Douches! Come one! Come all!) They may think it is less hurtful or more likely – it spares them from facing the fact that they are being a complete asshole. And if you’re like me and you like “closure” then it really fucking sucks that they never give you that – and that’s how I end up having dreams with these losers in them because of all the unfinished business lurking in my subconscious!

So if you’re a woman: WTF are we supposed to do with these babies? And if you’re a guy, man the fuck up already.

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Author: Amy H. Johnson

Amy H. Johnson is the author of The Fangirl Files a memoir about Boy Bands, TV Boyfriends and imaginary betrothals to 80s English pop stars. She prefers to be referred to as a "Cute Famous Boy Aficionado".

3 thoughts on “More Tales of Douchedom

  1. Boorish man I am sorry, you are a treasure to us-

  2. I really love that someecards sums everyday life so well! I never actually thought about the “mementos” issue. As convenient as social networking is, it’s so sad that everything can be deleted without even being there long enough to be remembered.

    Honestly I wish we could all stop asking “Why?” Why do you feel the need to be a selfish prick? Why do you have to walk away and leave me wondering if it’s my fault? Why isn’t your real name Douchey McBastard?

    But at least for your birthday you got shown lots of love from those who mean the most to you. And we all think you’re fucking awesome ❤

    • Awww thanks Lil Sis! I’m lucky to have such wonderful people in my life who love and support me – if these dumb boys don’t appreciate me than THEIR LOSS bc I AM fucking awesome ;-p

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