she liked Imaginary Men best of all

A New Breed of Pussy

6 Comments

I’ve been dating. Yes, Real! Actual! Boys! And you know what? They keep reminding me exactly why I spend so much time and energy on famous boys instead!!

So I’m divorced nearly two years and therefore haven’t dated since 2001. Before that I didn’t date as much as I’d meet someone, start a long-term relationship with them that I would mourn for about two years after it ended. I’ve never really done the casual dating thing before so I don’t know if this is a new thing or I was just always lucky before but…

What the fuck with the disappearing acts? Not answering texts? Saying you’re gonna call/text/meet then – you know – NOT and not only that but totally disappearing like some sort of crappy assed magic trick?

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This has happened repeatedly this year and it boggles my mind every. single. time. From 25 (Ok, you’re a kid – you’re clueless) to 30 (Welllll…kinda toeing the line there guy) to 38 (really? REALLY?) When the going gets tough, the tough turn into pussies (and by “tough” I mean asking one to give me at least 24 hours notice when he was going to cancel a date planned a month earlier – to go to a party instead, and asking another on Monday to confirm that we had plans for the weekend by Thursday and then he drops out of sight until Sunday at 10:02PM – I’m such a bitch, right?!)

Now I’m totally for big, romantic, pouffy soulmatey love on TV, in movies, hell even a good song. But in real life? I don’t think so. I’m not looking for some huge romantic hero to come sweep me off my feet and be The One because honestly, I think that stuff only exists in TV, movies and songs. What I really want is a decent, honest guy who will do the right thing – even if the right thing feels bad to them (like breaking up with me to my face) or makes them the bad guy for awhile (like returning an email with a “this isn’t going to work out.”)

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But this cut and run because you’re not man enough to do the right thing? No one needs that shit. I don’t care if you’re a mama’s boy, or some ex broke your heart, or you’re just a misogynist. Be a man. Show up for the situations that you created and take responsibility for your actions and treat people respectfully and do the decent thing. I mean, is this what it’s come down to? The lowest common denominator?? Do the decent thing and return the text, show up when you say you will?? REALLY GUYS??

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And the stupidest part of the whole thing is that I’m probably one of the easier girls these guys will ever deal with! I’m not real demanding of time and attentions because in all honesty, I have a busy life chasing Boy Bands, obsessing on Brandon Flowers, adoring TVBoyfriends and lusting on Vampire Hotties – so I’m not going to be a real hassling type of girl all up in your face all the time because I don’t want MY time infringed on either. I’m cute, funny, dress well, smell nice and bake real good (what, you don’t like cheesecake?)

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Author: Amy H. Johnson

Amy H. Johnson is the author of The Fangirl Files a memoir about Boy Bands, TV Boyfriends and imaginary betrothals to 80s English pop stars. She prefers to be referred to as a "Cute Famous Boy Aficionado".

6 thoughts on “A New Breed of Pussy

  1. Excellent rant Amy! You are so right!!!!

  2. You already know I’m behind this 1,000,000%. Any guy that can’t text you or make plans or be a total gentleman doing the right thing can fuck off. I feel like this should be a press release for dating sites just so guys know how to act when approaching a girl! Fuck them, they aren’t worth your precious time.

    Imaginary Boys forever!!!!!!

  3. Foolish foolish men……tsk tsk tsk.

  4. OMFG, I love this rant and all that it chooses to be.

    I’ve had a few relationships, but because I was a “late bloomer” I was so used to being independent that it was actually annoying to me having my time infringed upon by a significant other… so I really only date if I think a guy is worth losing precious time that could be spent blogging, going to theatre etc etc

    My most successful serious relationship was with a fellow obsessive who was a total fanboi and understood the fixation I get on different little obsessions. Here’s hoping you find a guy with his own Brandon Flowers, so that you can just “get” each other and be the reality that can be fun enough to come back to.

    Also, just FYI, you are not the only person experiencing relationship woes. My guy friend from high school was in total love with this girl, had proposed, done the whole “engaged to” thing on facebook… and just this week his status changed to “single”. How does this even happen?? I thought to myself, sometimes not being a relationship bunny has its perks!

    I’ve been dating a guy casually who is sweet and nice and always turns up when he’s supposed to. Maybe you need an Australian guy, since they are clearly all jackasses over in the US?

    • Perhaps VictiMom and I should make a jaunt to Australia. She can school your mom in Boy Band worship, and you can hook me up w/ a proper Aussie guy who isn’t a pussy! (I feel like mb this is a given, I don’t get the sense that Australian Men are as coddled and immature as guys can be over here. Then again – “Douche” IS the International Language!!)

      Basically the world needs more Eric Taylors. Period.

  5. i can’t freaking stand when people don’t respond to texts!!! totally lame! Some people just refuse to communicate.

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