she liked Imaginary Men best of all

Someone’s got a man crush on Matt Damon!


I snagged the October Esquire from work as it was being tossed out. I don’t read Esquire as it is for “Man at his Best”, but I do read things that have Matt Damon’s handsome mug plastered on the front of them.

I read the article today which is about Matt’s campaigning for water in the third world and whether celebrity endorsements of causes really make a difference in the causes they are trying to get support for. In the middle of reading I had to go back and check the writer’s gender because Luke Dittrich was so swoony for Matt I figure if he’s not gay, then in the words of 30 Rock he’s “Gay for Matt”

First there’s a whole lot of details about what he’s wearing: He’s changed out of the jeans and T-shirts – short sleeves over long sleeves – that he wore on the flight and into khakis and a button-down shirt. Or this about his shirt: …robin’s-egg blue, is untucked, loose, nothing in the pocket, top two buttons unbuttoned, neckline sub-clavicle. And his hair …his hair’s back to its natural color, dirty blond, and its natural style: short all around, spiked up just a little in front.

There’s a dissertation on his smile: Matt Damon’s smile, when he chooses to fully deploy it…there’s confidence in it, even a bit of swagger, but no oil, no hesitation, just a full-bore coruscation. Or, Damon knows how to smile…but he won’t fake it, won’t give the whole shebang out to every stranger with a camera. He conserves it, preserves it, so whenever the real thing does come out, when he turns it on, ubiquity hasn’t whittled it down or leeched it of its oomph.

I won’t even get into his description of him opening a coconut which lurks dangerously near porn. Let’s just say muscles twitching, rough vs. gentle, “sticky glaze on a sticky day”, and flowing milk all make appearances. Whoa – is it hot in here?

You can read the whole thing here and giggle for yourselves. Matt comes off as charming, earnest, informed and indeed, the next Bourne movie should feature him sexily decimating coconuts with his hands. From the sounds of this piece, it would be up there with the hair washing/cutting scene in “The Bourne Identity”

Author: Amy H. Johnson

Amy H. Johnson is the author of The Fangirl Files a memoir about Boy Bands, TV Boyfriends and imaginary betrothals to 80s English pop stars. She prefers to be referred to as a "Cute Famous Boy Aficionado".

3 thoughts on “Someone’s got a man crush on Matt Damon!

  1. I know Esquire writer Luke Dittrich personally. He is not gay. He is quite a gifted writer with a penchant for details. You should check out his work published previously on Esquire or Atlanta Monthly.

  2. “Flowing milk!!” Oh it is all too much!! Love it!

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